Outgrowing Your Life: Handling Criticism When You Make Big Changes

This one's heavier than usual, but the lesson still holds: alignment matters more than approval.

This was supposed to be a fun life-update: new house, a dog finally on the way, the excitement of outgrowing an old chapter. Then tragedy hit mid-move, and I shelved it for a year because it felt too raw to release. 

Key Takeaways:

• Why "settling down" isn't a dirty word, even for someone whose identity is built around freedom
• How to handle it when people react to big news with doubt instead of celebration
• The difference between people who don't support you and people who just can't see your vision
• How I knew Jared was "the one" (it involves a dog and a question card)
• A TMI comparison between monogamy and choosing your next big life chapter
• 15 years of decisions people doubted me on, and what happened when I did them anyway

If you've ever had a dream that made someone else uncomfortable, this one's for you.

Transcript

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Why I Waited a Year to Release This Episode

Sam Laliberte 0:02

Hi, freedom seekers. Before we jump into today's episode, I have to give you some context about this one because it's a little different. I actually recorded this episode just over a year ago. This was supposed to be a very fun and exciting life update type of episode. I was moving into a new house. I was finally having my dream come true of being able to get a dog. All of these feelings were coming up for me as I was feeling like I was outgrowing a certain chapter of my life. And it was the last episode I ever recorded in my previous home office. I'm sure you've seen it on social media. It's been in hundreds of my videos with the jungly wallpaper. And at the time of the recording, the movers were scheduled for the next morning. And so this was like the final thing I was recording in that old space. And less than 24 hours after I recorded this episode, while the movers were literally in our home helping us get ready to go to our new home, our cat Begira fell from the balcony and died. The first night we ever spent in this new home, the one I'm recording in today, our beloved Begheira was in a box sleeping beside us. She is now buried in the backyard of this new home we've been living in for the past year. And I can't sugarcoat it. It's definitely been the most horrifying thing that I have ever had to experience and ever had to navigate. And for a long time after that, I honestly felt like it was my fault. Like I was getting greedy for wanting more and wanting too much, too fast, getting a new house, a bigger house, having a second pet, adding a dog. All of this just felt like I was being punished for not being satisfied and grateful enough for what I already had. My life was so awesome at the other townhouse, Jared and I and Begira. We had a lovely family there and a lovely life. And I felt like it was my fault for not being happy with what I had. And so I shelved this recording for the past year. It felt way too spooky to put this episode out. It's so tangled up in grief and this story I'm telling myself that what happened was my fault. And you'll hear in this episode how excited I was and confident for this new chapter. I honestly don't feel like I've felt like that person since her death has completely rocked me. But when I finally watched this episode last week on the one-year anniversary of her death, I decided that the message that I wanted to share in this episode is so much more

When Someone Doubts Your Dreams, Here's What to Do

Sam Laliberte 3:00

than just a life update. It's an episode that is centered around what happens when people don't fully understand your dreams and the choices that you're making and the changes you're wanting to make in your life, especially if those pivots, they look nothing like the version of you that your friends and family and your loved ones have always known. This is an episode about doing it anyway and trusting that only you know what is a full body yes for you. If you have ever had a dream that you shared with somebody and it made them uncomfortable, or if you've ever had to second guess a choice you are making because somebody else couldn't picture that for you, this episode is for you. Let's get into it and Bagira forever. Hello, freedom seekers. I am back in your ears and maybe back in front of your eyes if you are watching this one on YouTube. And I've got some major life updates for you. This is gonna be a little check-in between you and I as we enter that final quarter of the year. I'm guessing, like me, you have been making moves towards your dreams. You want to end the year strong. I am so here for it. I have been making moves quite literally. We actually just bought a house and I've spent the last week slowly moving into the new place. It's very exciting. There is so much I could share with you about the process of even just searching for the house and knowing that this one was the one. All of the craziness of the shifting housing market, damn, I learned a ton there. But what I think is maybe the most interesting and the most helpful for you, freedom seekers, is how people have responded to my news. So some of the shifts I've made over the last couple months have caused people in my life and in my audience to, let's just say, be surprised. In their eyes, the choices that Jared and I have been making, like getting a house, you know, that comes with a lot more responsibility than they would think that we would want to take on, or maybe than they think that we're capable of, right? A lot more financial responsibility, a lot more pressures maintenance-wise for the house. We are also now on track to get a dog, a dream that we've had for a long time. And we have been exploring the idea of adopting children again after being on a very long hiatus of pausing that and defaulting that to no. So all of these next steps for us, they feel super exciting and they feel super aligned to us. But for others, that seems to come off as a shock. And of course, like I get it, right? These people that we're sharing this information with, they are not there for all of the intimate conversations between my husband, Jared, and I. They're not there in my journal every night when I'm scribbling away my reflections about what I want, where I'm at, what is next. They're not there on all of those epic hikes we took in New Zealand earlier this year, where we truly came up with our best ideas and all of these visions were really born. So, what feels like a shock and a departure from the freedom lifestyle, right? Which has always been about doing what we want when we want, living freely, often nomadically, lots of travel, little obligation, this theoretical departure, it can feel like it comes out of nowhere. But for us, this has very much been a long time coming and the timing has never felt more right. But even though I know that, right? Here's the thing: when somebody reacts to your news less favorably than you'd like, right, that reaction can

Building My Dream Home Office (And Why I'm Saying Goodbye to It)

Sam Laliberte 7:00

really cause you to question your own ideas. If someone doesn't believe in your ability to pursue this goal or is worried for you that maybe you are biting off more than you can chew, as they say, if you're not really sure of yourself and where you're going, that can be super destabilizing. It can really make you second guess yourself. And in these moments where someone is maybe criticizing or questioning or providing feedback on my dreams and my ideas, I always like to check in with myself. Is this a full body yes for me? And if it is, you really don't owe anybody any type of detailed explanation. Yet here I am creating an episode right now, essentially explaining myself and justifying why I have chosen to give up just a little bit of my freedom in pursuit of a different goal. So this episode today, Freedom Seekers, it has two key goals and intentions that I have for this. One, I want to share these exciting life updates with you. I've always taken my listeners from this community along the journey with me in my personal life. It has been such a great way for me to capture core memories and reflect on the lessons along the way. I still remember creating the podcast episode about moving to Squamish in 2020 when we bought our very first townhouse. We had completely uprooted ourselves from a busy city in Toronto to the other side of Canada, a small town, Squamish, where we literally knew no one. And it was so cool to hear from you about how that episode actually impacted how you were thinking about where you wanted to live and how you had always had this kind of default mindset that you had to be in a city or that you

The Real Cost of Upgrading Your Life: New Mortgage, New Responsibility

Sam Laliberte 9:00

were a city person. But as remote work has really gone mainstream, and as you see more and more people like me moving to these small communities, being in nature, having that small town vibe, you're like, actually, I realize I kind of want that too. So today's episode is going to share with you some of the bold moves I'm making, some of the comical stories along the way, because every ordeal can be an adventure if you have the right perspective and mindset and attitude. And then two, I really want this episode to acknowledge the reality of what it is like to share with people you care about, very much so, your dreams, your goals, your plans, and for them to not be fully on board, to not feel like they are totally cheering for you. And when you find yourself encountering those moments, which I would say is pretty much inevitable, my advice for you in staying strong, staying committed to your future, making those bold decisions and moving forward in your life anyway. Because if you're gonna live an unconventional lifestyle or even just a lifestyle that's true to yourself, that's about growth and evolving, you're gonna shock some people sometimes. Okay. So that's what we aim to do in this episode, friends. Sit back, relax. Maybe you're out for a walk, maybe you're driving. I am personally recording this episode for the final time in my at home podcast studio. If you are watching this on YouTube, or maybe you've seen some of the clips on Instagram from my studio at home, you are familiar with the very jungly wallpaper background that I often have in the background of my videos. I have loved creating content in this space. It has truly been a dream. Growing up, I believed that making it in your career meant getting your own private office at your company headquarters. Okay. Go with me here for a moment. And maybe you had this dream too. Okay. You pictured like really making it was an office where you could close the door. Maybe you have a view of the city, a place where you can put some of your photos on the wall. I think this dream started visiting my mom as a kid at her office. I have very vivid memories of me visiting her and her like closing the door quickly so that we didn't disturb her colleagues in the office beside, who like probably frowned upon the fact that her kids were at her office visiting in the middle of the day. We used to have those family custom calendars. Do you remember those? Maybe they still, people still do them, but every month would be a different photo of either me and my sister or our cute pets, our cats, our dogs. I loved going to her office and seeing which photo was up for the calendar that month and just her little trinkets around

How I Knew Jared Was "The One" (It Involves a Dog)

Sam Laliberte 12:00

that were reflections of her. She loved to have mints and some candy around. And I just remember thinking that is making it. One day I'm gonna have my own office. Slash forward to 2020 when we bought our townhouse, and I realized we now have a couple extra bedrooms. I'm no longer in the studio apartment in Toronto, and one of these bedrooms can be my office, and I can design my space. I can actually have that dream, which I thought was going to be at a company headquarters, and actually it's just gonna be down the hall from my bedroom. It's so much better than I thought it was gonna be. Choosing the furniture, choosing the wallpaper, choosing the vibe, the art. I'm guessing if I was designing an office in a corporate setting, it wouldn't be like a true reflection of me. You'd probably water down some things to fit with the company culture. And don't get me started with take your cat to work day every single day. I have thrived in this space. I've recorded dozens of podcast episodes. I launched my very first group program in this room and then resold it again and again and again. I started my public speaking career right in this room. I invested in tons of video equipment and became a YouTuber. I coached people from all over the world on Zoom in this very space. This space is magical. It is special, okay? Jared bought me a money tree when we first moved in. Maybe you can see it here. And I swear it helps me make it rain a little in here, okay? So that's where I'm at right now. And why is this important? Well, I'm about to say goodbye to this room. Tomorrow the movers are coming and they're gonna take this chair, they're gonna take all of this equipment, and I am going to be leaving this townhouse because we decided earlier this year we were ready to make the move to a detached home, right?

Getting a Dog vs. Having Kids: Why People React the Same Way

Sam Laliberte 14:00

A bigger mortgage, more space to clean, a yard. And despite loving our setup for five years, we were ready for this. Just to put into perspective of like how cushy and cozy and easy things were for the last five years, we bought our house in 2020 when the housing prices were at the lowest, as well as the interest rates. We had locked in a five-year interest rate at less than 2%. We're also part of Estrada, so like condo fees, where there's a bunch of service providers taking care of all the things like snow removal and water and gardens and gutter cleaning. I haven't had to learn any of that for the last five years. There's been like no responsibility and a lot more cash than we needed because we bought a cheap house at cheap interest rates. Now all of that is changing. Our interest rate literally doubled when we renewed five years later. We also bought a more expensive house. We're now keeping the townhouse and we're gonna have a tenant move in

Why People Can't See Your Vision for Your Own Life

Sam Laliberte 15:00

here, which it all works. The numbers all work. It's tight, it's workable. As long as he never leaves, it can work. As long as we always have a tenant, everything can flow. But you know, it's a lot more pressure. We just got our very first lawnmower, haven't like actually turned it on yet. We have a P.O. box, a new roof is being installed as we speak. Suddenly, it is a lot more responsibility and a lot more pressure to get everything right all at once. And so honestly, I get why people are concerned, especially when I tell them, yeah, we also did all of this just so we can get a dog. We joke, but we're like 90% serious that the reason we bought a house with a yard is so that we could get a dog. Very quick tangent here. The moment, well, one of the few moments I knew Jared was the one who I was gonna be marrying and spend the rest of my life with had to do with this dog. Okay. Picture this, it's like 10 years ago. We're long distance. Jared's living in San Francisco. We do LDR for the first two years of our relationship. I'm out there visiting him. We're out at a restaurant date night at one of our favorite spots, Gracias Madre, vegan Mexican in the city, and we pull a question card, something we still do 10 years later on date nights. And the question was, what is a dream of yours that is yet to come true? And Jared, you know, 20 something, was like, I guess having my own dog, I died. I was like, Are you kidding me? That is the first thing that comes to your mind. Hell yes, dead, gone, rest in peace, me. I have found my person. We are together forever. We're getting married. We are soulmates, sign the papers. And 10 years later, we still don't have the dog. Okay. We still haven't fulfilled Jared's dream of having his own dog. We just have our only child, Bagira, our beautiful, amazing, spoiled Bengal cat. And she thrives, to be honest, as an only child. She has expressed zero interest in having a sibling, especially not a dog. So sorry in advance, Bagheira, but you are getting a brother. And we are very excited to have a house with a yard and a dog on the way. When I share that this is where we're heading, and these are the moves we have been making, some people are literally shocked. Like, oh my God, I can't believe you guys would be getting a dog with all that travel you do. Oof, your life is really gonna change. You know, a dog isn't the same as having a cat, right? You better soak up this final summer because things are really gonna change. And I'm like, hello. Do you realize this is me telling you that I'm finally achieving my lifelong

What Monogamy Taught Me About Choosing a New Chapter

Sam Laliberte 18:00

dream that I've had for 35 years of having a dog? Like it is finally happening. After 35 years of prancing around the world, like doing my own thing, finding myself, I'm not making this happen. Like, this is a celebration. And I haven't even mentioned that the dog is just pet number two. Like, we are planning to have an animal sanctuary. Okay. We're gonna have double-digit animals around here. So get on board. And it made me really realize that no wonder so many millennials who value freedom and flexibility and independence and traveling the world are very like hesitant and resistant to having children because this is the narrative that we put out there. Like your life is over. If a dog is a life sentence, what does kids mean? Right? People usually mean well. Okay. I don't always believe in the line of thinking that, oh, sometimes when you share your dream with someone, you've triggered their inability to live their life on their own terms. And so they need to take you down a notch. I think that is true sometimes, sure. But I also think sometimes people just genuinely can't even see the vision that you have for yourself, right? They only see the version of you that they've always known. Predictability to them, it feels safe, right? They knew you as this person. So when you make big pivots, it challenges their picture of you. And it's hard for someone to believe that you could thrive if you're already thriving right now in your life as it is. Why would you change things up? How could you thrive in a totally new phase? And for a lot of people, I'm guessing are you like me. Yes, freedom and flexibility is one of your top values, but maybe you have some other values, maybe novelty or innovation or challenge or growth. Maybe those are also values that you have. Or maybe you've actually thought about it pretty deeply and you're on track for this goal and this plan because it's really important to you. And you have made the conscious decision to give up just a little bit of freedom to embark on a new chapter. Okay. And by the way, like logistically speaking, how different is a dog than a cat, right? I mean, we already have our cat sitter setup dialed. We've been on trusted house sitters for years. We travel to at least five countries a year. I'm away from Canada a quarter of the year. If we already have a cat sitter watching the cat, what's the difference of just saying, hey, can you watch a dog too? Maybe I'm being naive and I know they are different. Like the dog has to go outside to pee. I do get that. But I also really trust in my ability to adapt and to co-create a new reality with Jared. I really think we've got this. It's not going to be perfect. We've got some trigger wounds even happening already. Jared's got some with money, you know. We're spending a lot of money. That's not that easy for him to still enjoy this while spending all that money. I really care what people think. I can sometimes obsess about details like getting the furniture exactly right and having my house completely spotless in order for me to actually enjoy having someone over. Those things can still be true and we could still be making the best decision ever. It's all about having perspective. It's all about just in these moments focusing on how much more you're gaining versus on like fixating on how hard it is and the challenge of this. Because the house and the dog, these things, these are full body yeses for us. Okay. I never do things I don't want to do. Do you think that suddenly now, for the first time in my life, I've been dragged into this plan and like kicking and streaming, taking away my freedom? Absolutely not. I'm thrilled about this. I'm thrilled that I'm evolving. And maybe this is a TMI type of comparison, but before J.

15 Years of Proving People Wrong (A Timeline of My Boldest Moves)

Sam Laliberte 22:00

And I met. We were both a little, let's just say, promiscuous. Okay. We had our fun. We lived in cities. We went out. If you attended our wedding, or even if you just saw the Instagram reel I posted where he kind of made a sex positive blooper in his vows, you should totally go watch that video if you haven't seen it. But you would know that by the time Jared and I found each other, we were ready for monogamy. Okay. It was an easy yes. We had truly lived that other phase and we are ready to commit all into one person. Does that mean we're going to be monogamous forever? I don't know. Maybe not. We have to keep checking in on it. But for now, we feel totally satisfied and that we're not missing anything. We had that chapter fully. We literally did it. And now we're totally excited about how much more you gain from being in a fully committed relationship. And that's kind of how I feel about giving up some of my travel freedom, let's say it. Okay. I've done it. I really feel extensively that I have covered a lot of ground. Very, very many ways. I still love travel and it'll always be a big part of my life, but I'm honestly kind of over it. I feel like for now I've gotten everything I've needed from that experience. And that feeling has been growing for a while. I've shared that with you, you know. I'm ready to put down roots. I've done the nightlife situation. I lived my 20s. I've loved it. And now, similar to dating, I'm ready for this new chapter: marriage to a husband, marriage to a house, marriage to a dog. But people are shocked, you know, they think like sometimes we're not even capable of actually being able to head home early from a friend's dinner to let our dog out to poo. Like we can do that. We can handle that, right? And if people are surprised when you share that your news with them, like have them underestimate you. I find sometimes one of the greatest joys in life has been to me proving to myself over and over again that I am capable of reinvention, that I am capable of change. Your job isn't to be predictable to other people, freedom seekers. The world doesn't need the same version of you that you've always been, it needs you to become the person that you are evolving into and to continue growing and to continue getting better. And that often means making external changes in your life. It does suck though when you're doing something exciting and you want to share it with your favorite people, people that you care about. And then if the reaction isn't like, you can do it, I'm so happy for you. Sometimes you're left with, well, like, what do I do now? And in the past, I've basically tried to not cut that person out of my life by any means, but basically very much filter what I share with them. Where if I know they're not totally supportive about this decision, I just

Full Body Yes: Trusting Yourself When People Don't Understand

Sam Laliberte 25:00

like hide that part of myself from them. And I did that for a while and it sucked. I'm like, you're one of my favorite people. I want to share all the aspects of my life with you unfiltered. So the other option, as always, it's an inside job, friends. It comes down to us. Like the alternative is for us to grow our own confidence in our ability to make decisions for our life, to be confident that the goals that we're pursuing are goals that we know we can handle and that we're ready for. And that we don't need to be shaken by other people's reactions. And guess what? Bonus points if you get a little satisfaction from proving people wrong, because what better way to prove someone wrong is to simply live the life that they couldn't imagine for you. When you make bold moves, people will always have something to say. It's sometimes just their love wrapped up in worry. It's sometimes their fear disguised as advice. But if you are always waiting for universal approval, you're gonna be waiting a really long time because it never goes away. I feel like I have truly been charting my own path now for like 15 years, doing things that friends and family members said I couldn't from my very first business to getting my cat. So many people were like, you can't handle getting a cat. The gear is 12 and I've kept her alive and we're best friends. Okay. When I wanted to move to Toronto and leave my life in London, Ontario, when I said, I'm gonna go to New York City and party with Taylor Swift, and heck yeah, I made that happen. These are all goals and dreams I had that when I was shared with people, they couldn't see it from me. They were more worried that I had unrealistic expectations and I was setting myself up to fail. And even though I've succeeded in all of that, and even though it's been 15 years of me charting my own territory and navigating my own life and really bleeding myself into all of this, I still have people who can't picture it. I still have people who caution me about dreaming too big or going after too much at once, who just can't picture my future self yet. And so it doesn't go away. I really question the notion that people don't change. Personally, I completely disagree. I think that maybe our core values don't. Like I'll always value freedom and flexibility, let's say. But I am so not the same person I was when I met Jared, right? Like that girl single, running around Toronto in that era. She was even different than the woman I was in university in London, Ontario, where I was like all about being a leader and being taken seriously, president of one of the largest clubs at Western shout out, Fashion and Lifestyle Society, right? That was a whole chapter of my life where I was completely different from my Toronto life, from my life as a wife. And in high school, oh my goodness. People who knew me then, you know, I was materialistic. I was obsessed with brands and fashion. I was boy crazy, literally. I was consumed by the male gaze. I hated sports. I wouldn't even get changed for gym class. I was so nervous for presentations or speaking in front of my classmates. I had extreme anxiety. On presentation days, I would fake sick just so I could get out of it. And now, Sam, in this era, 2025, I would go so far as to say I'm I'm an athlete now. I am a professional speaker. Okay. I thrive on a mic. I exclusively shop secondhand, no longer a brand whore. I have a husband who respects me for my brain and not just my body. I am unrecognizable from the girl that I was growing up in Sudbury, Ontario. And I love that. I also love that in five years from now, I might be unrecognizable from the woman sitting in front of you today. Right now, I'm a homeowner. I got a dog on the way. And kids, let's just say the default has gone from no way to hell yes. Think I can't handle something, think I can't be something. Watch me. Okay. This is what I want you to remember. People are always going to have opinions about how you live your life. And the bigger and the bolder those moves are, the louder those opinions are gonna get. But those opinions, they don't pay your mortgage, they don't walk your dog, they don't tuck you in at night. Okay, you do. So if you have a dream and it feels like a full body, yes, okay, even if it looks like a curveball to the outside world, you have to trust yourself enough to do it anyway, to take that leap, to remind yourself you don't need to explain every single pivot. Approval of others is optional. Alignment, that is everything. Okay. So go bold, be brave, and maybe even be a little cheeky about it. Okay, friends, I love you so much. That's what I have planned for today. Join me on Instagram where I'm taking you behind the scenes of all things new home, new dog, and giving up a little bit of freedom in pursuit of something new. I'd love to hear if any of this resonated with you. So my DMs are always open. Until next time, freedom seekers, enjoy your freedom.